Cutting the Cord, Trusting In Myself…
This morning I woke up with an overwhelming sense of calmness. Maybe it’s because the sun is bright, it’s warm outside and spring has arrived. Or maybe it’s because yesterday finally, after eight months of going round and round in dividing our assets up I could finally write agreed on all the major points. Eight months of going back and forth, disagreeing and feeling the intense emotional drain of stripping almost two decades of ones life can really take a told, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Let me get real here, it’s been dark at times. I mean really dark. Days where I couldn’t even imagine feeling the warm sun on my face ever again. Days where I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Days where my kids were the only reason I kept moving forward. What an incredible roller coaster this journey has been.
But, the sun is out, as I type the sun is warm on my face. A huge weight has been lifted with both of us in agreement on who takes what. My safety net is now officially gone. The safety net of a best friend who has helped carry me along the way when I was too weak, sick or emotionally exhausted. The safety net of a dual income and health insurance. For the very first time in my entire life, it’s me, myself and I fully… the cord is cut, and it’s time for me to open my arms and fly.
This morning I’m realizing the weight of the decisions making was absolutely paralyzing me in many ways. It was like a rubber band, I would move forward then the decisions would snap me backwards. But the rubber band has been removed. It is done, it is almost finished, the divorce decree will be here in a matter of weeks now.
But I’m ready, I’m going to embrace life on my own. I find for me it’s better to live in truth, rather than hide behind the lies of a broken relationship. Feeling alone sleeping next to someone is way harder than being alone in your bed really alone. Truth was… it wasn’t working, it was painful and full of suffering every day because I was pretending.
Here I go, on my own. I can do this, right? We all can if needed. Truth is though, I am not really alone. I have been surrounded by incredibly supportive friends and family. I have also met some very special people along the way, that I’m not sure I would have ever really gotten to know so well if I wasn’t in this very situation. So cheers to the cord being cut, cheers to old friends and new friends and cheers to spring… new beginnings and a future living my truth, living my authentic life and no longer hiding behind a marriage that wasn’t working.